Bad Actress

believe it was Baudrillard who said that the simulacrum is arrived at when the distinction between representation and reality, that is, signs and what they refer to break down. They both collapse into a universal simulacrum. ....which brings up my mother. As a faithful Nisei, she has worshipped anything Japanese, positive or not. This means that as an eighty-something Japanese American, she has to shuffle, bend, and act like all "old Japanese Women" as they are portrayed in the media. Unfortunately, the media she is exposed to is the televised old movies on cable TV. She, therefore, faithfully morphs herself into, not an actual older woman, but an actress interpreting an older woman. No amount of doctors or therapists have convinced her that she doesn't have a physical cause to shuffle or drag her feet. they all agree that if she continues on her current course, she WILL experience muscle atrophy, and then she will have to drag her feet, because the muscles will be too weak. A self-fullfilling prophesy. And then....Voila!.. instant Elderly Japanese Woman. Complete with open mouth and raised eyebrows and a tilted head. Now that her muscles have already weakened, she has fallen several times and now had injured her fight arm and fractured several ribs. She now has a good reason to shuffle and hobble reciting the complete litany of "Itai, Itai" and "Erai, Erai", etc. and I have been relegated to the Bette Davis Character in "Whatever happend to Baby Jane". ) She's lucky her bird already died several years ago; you must have seen the movie to get my drift. To compound things, my mother was a classical Japanese singer who sang on the Hawaii stage for many decades. Performing was her passion. but like a lot of other Nisei, she doesn't read much Japanese, and it is limited to comics or songsheets. Again, not a complete copy of a Japanese Obasan, but enough to get by as a "copy" or "sign" which refers to an actual Obasan. She can mutter "old lady Japanese phrases" fluently, and can give a convincing "Yoisho" when getting up from a chair, but can be stymied when pressed further... like a Witness Protection Program participant. If she had adapted some beneficial traits or chosen a more positive role model I wouldn't complain.. the perfect son that I am... but in most Japanese Media, this is rare. As I wrote this, I had to take a break because I had a relevation... and a headache. But I'm back. and IT WORKED! I decided to tell my mother my whole theory about "The Act", this time I told her that it isn't working well because besides acting like an old woman, she's acting like a BAD actress acting like an old woman! Her eyes actually widened and I could almost see her mind going thru all of the negative reviews she must now be getting! There went her chances for the Kohaku! But at last something worked... for now. Stay tuned for the next episode... the faithful son, momo-taro

Caregiver Abuse

Felt compelled to start this blog after receiving this email from a friend:


"Having the most awful time dealing with my mother...such an arrogant and lazy person..I cant even defend myself bc she is ALWAYS RIGHT..I was busy trying to fix a meal when she has to interject she didn't like the idea I put a towel on her window..saying it made the house hot and that I must be crazy or nuts. The list is endless as to what I have to do for her and it gets worse bc both my lousy sob brothers dont help either financially or otherwise..they just add to the misery..one tells me it take two to tangle and the other tells me to get professional help...I told him to get some help himself and learn how to be more caring for his own mother and to grow up some.Its like two selfish ostriches giving me crap but only taking care of their own butts.Its so senseless..my newest responsibility is giving the evil queen her meds..she had everything in open bottles scattered throughout the house.I color coded the daily dosages and have them in a pocketed calendar..if not she would be hitting the walls from her lack of meds.When I try to reason with her she will just shake her head denying that I help at all and saying shes done it all her life anyways...today is the younger jerks sons bday party and I am staying as far away from this toxic family as possible..I am tired of being the scapegoat/slave. I was berated for not attending by mother in her blast against me during the earlier confrontation again saying something is wrong with me.... Its pitiful. Yet jerk brother with rant to mother why I dont attend his party...hello..wake up and smell the crap !

Its been made all the more difficult bc she had taken two bad falls and was going to change of meds..making her delusional and irrational...had to rush her to er bc she thought she couldn't urinate..but that was a false alarm.



I get told not to feel sorry for myself, that everyone has problems...yet they get to travel have real lives and still have the balls to defend themselves for not helping with their mother. They have options and I dont.. At least I am not in the same four walls that she is but is just as well be that way bc I am always having to see she doesn't do harm to the house or herself."

Behind the Tofu Curtain

What? Okay, let’s get real, Asians are experts at emotional manipulation through guilt, obligation and ‘gambare’. The truth must be spoken!

This is the 21st century and those old ways of samurai days just don’t apply. Please don’t get caught up in that garbage. You have a life and are not here to be used, abused, wrung out and thrown away, just because you’re female.

A support group for caregivers to share experiences, challenges and just to VENT! Yes, we are listening and know what you’re going through.

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